I appreciate this is a hard subject for many. I have not suffered from depression however I felt it would be useful to educate myself on the illness to make myself available to help others and perhaps normalise any conversation around mental health, after all 4 out of 4 have mental health.
Two books have really helped this:
1. Reasons to stay alive - Matt Haig
Specifically:
page 46 and 86 - examples of symptons and warning signs
page 120 - how to be there for someone with depression or anxiety
page 202 - an extensive list of reasons to stay alive from those with depression
2. The boy between - Josiah Hartley and Amanda Prowse
Specifically:
page 77 - the honest frustrations of a carer learning about the illness. Don't feel bad if you feel this yourself however do your best to learn how to manage
page 81 - a take on not trying to cure each sympton you see (mental health does not just appear above the shoulders) but taking a 30k ft view of the situation
page 145 - a reminder that no one owes an apology who is unwell. The illness controls the individual's thoughts not them
page 188 - explaining why constantly making suggestions to help them recovery might not be helpful
page 262 - similar to Matt Haig, a helpful list of how to support someone with the illness
I felt that an overriding message from both books for those caring for someone with depression or anxiety was to:
- Remember that you are needed, and appreciated, even if it seems you are not
- Slow down, be there for them and be patient
- Have someone to speak to about any feelings you have as it will be a different experience
- Educate yourself
- Appreciate that you and them are not alone
- Tough love does not work
I have also heard the brilliant Rob Stephenson say that it is critically important to "put your own oxygen mask on first" as a carer and prioritising your own wellbeing to have the reserves to support your loved one.
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